I observe and therfore I am

Life's ways do not always end and some of them are hard to mend. Old habits die hard, they say. Some of them endear you to others while the rest of them cut off your societal umbilical cord.  

I think I identify with most of the latter trends. No, I am not a hermit. 
I am simply non-judgemental when it comes to people.

The other day I was a laughing spectacle at one of those coffee shops when I wouldn't open my mouth to speak up amongst a group of merry individuals. I'm sure I must have aroused some concern, for I was asked if I were really comfortable once every 42 seconds. Now how could I tell them about my uncertainty? They said that one can judge the smartness of a person within a few minutes of 'being together'. How do I convince them to look behind the façade that everyone dons? Just how difficult it is to judge!

Aren't we ever willing to be heard, to be heard before anyone else even begins to speak? Do we not rush to conclusions? How uncertain we all are, but how we mask ourselves! The intelligible data processor between our ears does not even begin to assimilate the data while we are already on our way to sow 'the seeds of turmoil even as we speak'. Is our intuition a theorem? A set of statements mathematically proven? Logic is often incorrect with limited data points. The probability that a  proverbial coin tossed gives heads or tails approaches the text-book value only after infinite trials, which in effect is never! So how do we trust logic?

Then my other self intervened. It argued, what about patterns, regularity, chaos and order? The seemingly dissarayed foliage reveals remarkable patterns. All you need are observant eyes and not a judgemental mind.

They say that I analyze things too much, that I do not enjoy stuff that i should be doing otherwise. I agree. Is it the fault of a river that it fills all the cracks and crevices in its course? Data needs to be frozen to be kept out of my mind.  I have observed a pattern in people. 
They deny the obvious even when their mind refuses to do so. Judging, always judging!

Even as Itype, I feel the burden draining off my mind. I ruminate on the morsels while the others enjoy the sumptuous meal. I can sense my thoughts course through my mind to my arms, my fingers. I feel better. I observe and therefore I am.

I hope to see you smile

The evening rays of light
fall onto my window.
The motes of dust
find a way right in.
They house on the floor
where they will lie untouched
for years to come.

It's night by now, cold and bleak and
the rays have gone
and so have the motes.
I hope to see stars and i find none.
Do you know how dark it gets?
And just how cold?

You say the sun will shine;
That there will be rays
I know, love, I do
And that's why i dare to dream tonight.
I dare to think that I live,
staring out of the window
when I hope to see you smile.